One of my former co-workers had the best daughter dating story ever.
Not trying to one-up, nor top....just telling my story (sensuous tellin)
Back in her 8th grade yr, my oldest girl (who has just finished her freshman yr at UNCW) wanted us to meet her first little "boyfriend" from school, so his mother could take them to a movie on a "date" and bring her home by 9pm. We agreed and his mom wrote a note allowing him to ride the school bus home with her so we could meet this boy before she went anywhere with him.
School lets out at 3, and the bus ride was about 40 minutes, so I knew to be home by about 3:45.
They had JUST arrived and were in the kitchen talking to my wife when I came home and entered the kitchen thru the garage. This kid was nervous as hell. See, 2 years prior to that another little horndog had the balls to ask for pics of her in her underware over txt. Being the good girl she was she immediately told ME about it, and I sent him back a picture looking down the barrel of a pistol with my ugly frowning face on the other end. Apparently he was at school around all his buddy's in the locker room at football practice when that pic arrived. From what I understand, they all gathered around to see the reply HOPING for a girl they knew either naked, or very close to it. They got a very different picture indeed.
Well, that picture, the story and my reputation made it all over the school the next day. That was middle school....one that split the kids over to 2 different high schools, and my daughter had close friends at both. (I still hear about that picture from my youngest...now a Jr in HS)
ANYWAY...so this kid knew of that picture.
This was the first time meeting this kid, and I really didn't want some libtard parent freaking out over a gun, so I took a different approach in person. Instead, I had one of those Rambo knives from the 90's, complete with the ribbed back, compass, and compartment handle, that has a blade about 14" long that I'd polished to a mirror shine. Well, I'd thought ahead enough to put that in my car, so when I got home, I slipped it in the back of my pants and pulled my shirt over it.
So, I walk into the kitchen and see this gangly little kid, knees knocking, and my daughter trying to comfort him. Telling him: "Oh he's just a big teddy bear"
A few moments of introductions, and awkward speak, and just like I suspected, my wife and daughter leave him in the kitchen with me to do some last minute touch up to her make-up (AKA go ask mom what she thinks of this boy)
Now, I'm alone with this kid. After a solid minute of silence I reach behind me and start slowly pulling this friggin scythe while telling him in a very low voice"Now, I want ya'll to have a good time, but just know [
pull it out with it separating our faces "commando style" which are now about 10" apart] ANYTHING you touch my daughter with, will be cut off with this" [evil grin] "And if you say ONE word to anyone about what I just said, remember, I know where you live"
I resheathed the knife and as if it were planned my daughter and wife come bouncing back in the room.
I think he pee'd a little
My wife said "Now you didn't scare poor [insert his name, can't remember, as it didn't last long] did you?"
Me- "Of course not"
About that time his mother arrived to take them out to the movie. I walked out to greet HER in the driveway and put on a GREAT show. Winking at him as they pulled out. When she got home she was VERY disappointed that he wouldn't even hold her hand at the movie
Glad it didn't work out, he ended up being a nutcase abuser. Talked to his mom like she was a DOG (no father)
But in the end...he DID talk about the knife incident (not to his mom but to friends) and THAT story got around too
While this MAY sound like some embellished, made up, he-man chest thumping tall tale, I promise you that you can ask my wife or kids about this and they'll begin with rolling their eyes
then giggle telling the same story
