A Harlan to remember

77GreenMachine

Phillip Talton
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Location
Trinity, NC
This is a long one. The longest one I've written so far. Carry on if you don't want to read, settle in if you want a good story. I write these so I can go back and read them later, and so you can enjoy it as if you were there, and hope it will encourage many to get back on the trail, or at least make time for some old wheeling friends.

So a handful of us decided we’d like to see Harlan in the winter time, and we’d like to go in a small group to cover a lot of ground.

I have vowed to never stay on the Putney side again if I can help it, so we planned to stay in the Black Mountain Cabins in Evarts up behind the gas station. However I called to reserve a cabin and discovered they close from November to March. Little did I know that would play out for our advantage, as I remembered a place I heard about years ago. PoWhiteBoy Rentals. $140/night for 8 folks (cheaper if you have less) for a trailer on stilts with 7 beds and 3 couches, 2 bathrooms, full kitchen, deck and fire pit, and actually enough parking to get 6 tow rigs and trailers in and have room for the rigs when not on the trail. I sent the man a check for half the amount and we were golden.

So we decided we would leave out Thursday after lunch and arrive that evening. I met @Chris_Keziah at the Wallburg Diner where @D2320M and his buddy Mike joined us. After a fantastic lunch, we met @CasterTroy at the Food Lion down the street, where his new neighbor met us and agreed to tag along. Boy was he in for a treat! We jumped on 52N where @BigClay fell in line with us and on up thru King where @Joe J. also fell in line. We were all set to meet @Nakoma somewhere along the way but we found ourselves parked on the side of 77 about 3 miles before you get to 81. We all have CBs in our tow rigs (which is great by they way) and we talk the whole way to and from. Recently @Chris_Keziah picked up an 02 F250 with the V10. With the 5 Star tune, Y pipe and Dynomax muffler that thing screams like you've never heard. As we were topping one of the last hills on 77 Chris came on the CB and said he just blew an exhaust gasket or something. I thought little of it until he said he needed to stop. Joe was behind Chris and the rest of us were all stopped about 3/4 of a mile ahead. Chris came over the CB to let us know the #10 Spark Plug had blown out of the head. My stomach turned a little. However that's nothing compared to what my stomach would feel a few hours from now.
So we found a NAPA about 6 miles ahead right off 81. Joe stayed with Chris and we all went to get a tap and a new spark plug. The guy at NAPA was a jerk and literally no help. They didn't have anything except a bad attitude. The only thing good there was a parking lot big enough to drop my trailer in and everyone else stay there with it while me and Clay went to Oriellys. This was convenient because the NAPA was in a plaza and one of the places there had tacos and beer.

So me and Clay were off to once again grab parts. We called oriellys before hand where a girl named Mary Beth was more than helpful, in fact she was excellent. She pulled up the thread size of the plug, confirmed they had the tap, and also made note that she had a repair kit that came with a bigger tap and heli-coil insert. I was on the way and happy. I was leaving there $70 poorer when Chris called and said he also needed red lock-tite and anit-sieze, so i turned around and spent $10 more. A quick call to Troy to tell him we had acquired the goods and were going back for rescue and we were on the road again.
I couldn't remember how far down the last exit was before Chris broke down, so I took my chances and got turned around in one of those places where you're not supposed to turn around. Luckily that worked out well for me. So there we were. Me and Chris, Joe and Clay on the side of 77 trying to figure out what we were gonna do. First we tried to run the tap in the hole and clean the threads. Only the end of the spark plug threads were damaged so we thought we could clean the head threads and put a new plug in. Negative. We ran the tap in several times, it felt good but the spark plug just never would bite. Of course it was the cylinder furthest back against the firewall. Of course this truck has a 2" lift and 35's. Of course it is the side closest to traffic. It was the perfect storm. By this time we had all taken a shot or two at trying to screw in the new plug in the freshly chased hole. We had spoken to Nakoma who was not far behind and prepared to stop. About the time he pulled up, we had determined there really wasn't much thread at all left and we were going to have to use the repair kit. So Joe Jones emerged with a beer, Nakoma slathered this tap tool in the kit with anti-sieze and got to work. It was comforting to read the instructions and they say in big bold letters "THE HEAD MUST BE OFF THE BLOCK FOR THIS REPAIR". Nope, sorry we had to go wheeling and we needed this done fast.
After tapping and checking and tapping some more, lots of jokes, and cold wind we then jammed the insert and new plug in the head and crossed our fingers. The old Ford fired up and sounded normal again, and we nervously continued out. All seemed fine.
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Back at the worthless NAPA I got hooked to my trailer and we were off again. Luckily, we had left at 1pm. We were originally going to leave at 3pm, and I'm glad we didn't because we would have been dealing with this repair in the dark as this ordeal cost us 3 hours.
I was pretty thirsty back at Orielly so I grabbed a bottle of water, as did Clay. Clay took his to the face and put a dip in. So we are all rolling down the road again and I am calling @Curtis_H to explain we are good to go and there's no need for him to bring a goosneck and spare truck. Huge thanks to him though for being willing to do that. But I'm on the phone with him when I take a sip of water and instantly begin to start dying. My stomach and throat became on fire and I puke in my mouth, manage to spit that into a cup. Curt is asking what's wrong as I am barley able to tell him I'll call him back as I hang up on him. I grab my styrofoam coffee cup and again hurl into it. All while towing at 75. I grab the CB Mic and thru a very rough choking voice tell Clay I am going to kill him, as I began to fall behind and Joe comes around me. Another round of hurling in this coffee cup ensues as Joe comes by. He looks over as the inside of my stomach exits my mouth, coupled with the fine lunch I had earlier. There is all kinds of chatter from the group on the CB but I cant really talk right now. Between coughing and puking and tears running down my face, trying to drive and not kill a bus full of nuns with my trailer all I can do is listen to them slowly dissect and figure out whats happening.

Joe: "you alright over there Phillip" as he is beside me
Clay: "Whats going on back there? Was that Phillip saying he would kill me?"
Joe: "Idk He looked bad like he was throwing up in a cup"
Derek: "WTH Happened?"
Troy: "Clay did you spit in a bottle in his truck when you rode with him to get parts?"
Joe: "oh that makes sense, yeah he's totally hurling in a cup right now"
Clay: "Nah, I didn't I've got my own spit bottle right.....wait, I left it in his truck...oh F@*K"
Everyone: Uncontrollable laughter and also gagging, while talking over each other on the CB

Yep. @BigClay left his spit bottle which was identical to the water bottle I was drinking in my truck and I turned that thing up, thirsty, and fully committed as I squeezed the bottle to get a huge gulp in, in between my phone conversation with Curtis, only to instantly realize it was a spit bottle. Then to realize "wait, I wasn't spitting in a bottle I was spitting in a cup, OMG this is Clays spit bottle!:eek:o_O:kaioken::kaioken:

All of this happened somewhere between Wythville and Bristol. Not sure, memory has already started blocking that trauma out.
Onward we roll, needing fuel somewhere before we get to 26N. We find the smallest Shell on the whole stretch of 81 and pack in there, making a huge cluster and blocking some cars in while we fuel up. Onward again, the very next exit had a huge gas station...oh well. We are late and our plans to stop at the store are messed up and its too late to cook by the time we will arrive at 8:30. We decide we will hit the Mexican restaurant in Harlan for food and Margaritas. I take the time to lock each door on the truck (its all manual) and with pure excitement I go to hop out of my truck and realize its still in drive and running. So Chris laughs and calls me a DA as I throw it in Park and then hop out. Since I'm pretty OCD and always check to see if I have my wallet, gun, and keys often I'm about at the end of my trailer when I realize I don't have my keys. As I turn around I realize I have locked them in the truck. And its running. And I have a spare set for the truck and jeep....in the truck. Crap. What a day. Now I'm creating more problems, and this group of guys is hangry. CRAP.
I quickly remember I have another key zip-tied to the frame of the truck. But then I can't find it, and Nakoma can't find it either. CRAP!! It's gone, didn't stay there. So we decide to go in and drink about it. However I don't have much appetite for neither drink or food and can't stop thinking about my truck being locked. So I told Clay to order me whatever he's having and go back to the truck, I look for the hidden key again with no luck. I have enough service to watch some stupid video about unlocking the truck and I just don't have what I need. So I call the police and explain that I'm out of town and ask for help. They tell me they don't do that for liability but they have a guy they recommend and he will send him my way. I give my name and number and describe my truck which is white, running with a jeep on a trailer and surrounded by more trucks with Jeeps, can't miss it.
1 Margarita and a dish of Chori-Pollo later some dude is wondering around the restaurant looking for me. We head on out where dude inflates an air bag and shoves a doohickey in there while I hold a light and he unlocks it. I've been sick to my stomach since locking them in thinking this will cost me between $80-$120 for sure. So I ask dude what the damage is and in his best Harlan accent he says "oh reckon bout $25" I said "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS YOU SERIOUS??" He seemed confused and said yes so I gladly handed him $40 and assured him it was fair and thanked him.
 
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Chris picked up my tab inside and the gang was rolling out as we finished talking. Off we went to the house, finally! We arrived to the home owner standing outside and directing us on how to fit each truck and trailer in carefully while not disturbing the back yard and septic lines. Within 20 minutes we were unpacked, beds chosen, and enjoying drinks by a fire. A dog wondered up and was friendly, and especially friendly with Clay.
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All was right in the world, and after a VERY long day, we were in Harlan, my favorite place. I could not contain my excitement.


The next morning we woke up to heavy rain, and it had been raining thru the night. We were moving very slow, in no real rush. Breakfast was made and lots of coffee and laughter was enjoyed. Eventually after 9 dudes got enough coffee and took a dump, we were off. We headed right on up to the pass house, but no one was there. Clay needed to run back to the house real quick so we hung around, admiring the old moonshine still on the porch. Then along came an older man that clearly worked for the park. He hopped out of the truck, and when I greeted him with a "hows it going?" he yelled "HAND ME THAT BAG OF TRASH!"

After tossing it in the bed of the truck he went on a 5 minute rant about the girl that usually works there having a baby recently and not coming to work, reckon she needed a day off. But then he said "They gonna bring a school bus up here to load em' all up and take a DNA test and see who the daddy is"

We nearly fell out in the floor laughing, it was hilarious. I should note that the next day, when the girl was back, someone in our grou made the comment "Yeah I would be on the bus too!" Anyways, dude told us to go ahead on and stop on later, so off we went, beaming with laughter and excitement about what they day would hold.


We headed straight for the water fall. @D2320M was on his Maiden Voyage since having the front of his jeep redone by @Chris_Keziah, @adamk and myself to get a double triangulated 4 link, ORIs, full hydro, and pretty much a brand new front axle. He worked his front tires onto the ledge, found a handful of 2nd gear and made short work of the obstacle. Next up was @Joe J. who did not make it, but came real close. Whats more impressive was him saving it from flipping and not breaking it. If you remember, I failed at both of those in the same spot back in August, flipping mine and destroying the rear axle.

Chris gave it a good effort but after nearly dumping it twice decided to go on and save the day. I did not try again, not sure if I was skeered or wise, I just wanted to go on and ride other stuff. Maybe later I'd try.



Rail Bed was mostly uneventful, but It was cool to see a new exit, and the stuff moved for anyone brave enough to try that exit to the left again. Not any of us, but its an option again. Once all exited, we realized that right there in that area there are open mine shafts, just sitting right there. I have been to Harlan 8 times and never knew this, as its usually not visible. In fact there was another trail there I've never ran. we spent some time checking it all out, took the obligatory group pic there, and moved on to Fish Fossil.
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One of my favorite trails for its beauty, and lower temps in the summer, it was great as usual. It had PLENTY of water rolling thru. Everyone made short work of it, and everyone was able to take the exit where we then had lunch at the bottom of Little Jagger. I had smoked some Pork Loins before the trip for lunch sammiches!
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Had it been dry a few of us may have wasted our time trying Little Jagger, but instead we went on back down and hit Steel Hill. After cutting a tree out of the way, I made pretty short work of going up it. Video can be seen on Joe's Instagram. Derek was up next. He was about half way up when some fluid decided to let go. After shutting it down and quickly grabbing a fire extinguisher just in case, we found it to be the return line popped off the orbital. Joe put his Jeep in race mode and him and Nakoma quickly ran back to the house for power steering fluid and a hose clamp. After a quick fix, Joe said he also wanted to try Steel Hill. I believe he accidentally left his Jeep in race made because he sent his over that and it seemed like he didn't spin a tire or struggle at all. He literally was over it in 10 seconds or less, I didn't even have time to reach for my phone.
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After many "Dale Yeahs" for Joe's performance, we rolled up to lower rock garden. I've never found much fun in the rock garden so I went on ahead and got plenty of pics of Troy and Clay. Troy managed to get turtled over a rock and had the skid plate on a rock, a rock in front of the front diff, and behind the rear diff. We had to have Chris come over and give him a couple good yanks with a strap to unstuck him. From there he rolled on up thru the rest like a pro.



Most of us wanted to hit Killing Time, which is about the time Jon (Troys Neighbor) decided to ride with me. We found Killing time to be easy and quite boring. After that, we decided to go hit Mason Jar, my all time favorite trail. Clay and Troy were not up for running the trail with it being as wet as it was, so we left their Jeeps parked at the exit and found seats for them, and rolled on. Clay decided to crash into the huge mud hole on trail 12 on the way. He instantly regretted that, and luckily was able to back out, cause none of were willing to walk in and hook up a strap!


From the always beautiful entrance of Mason Jar was the site of more trails than I'd ever realized were out there. Looking down to see town, heavy fog rolling between mountains, and also many beer cans thrown over the side that you normally cant see from the overgrowth.

Knowing the entrance has become challenging with the washout by the tree, we walked over to take a look. We found that someone had actually cut the tree down since our last visit. It was still way off camber, slick, and had the high possibility of rolling more than once in that spot. Chris hit it first after deciding to take the traditional entrance of over the stacks, and lean way over and approach the tree stump. It worked out but was way too slick to even think about pulling up the ledge and around the tree. Instead of leaning on the tree and pivoting around it, now it forces you to pull the rear tires OVER the tree stump. I imagine now it would be very hard even with it dry, hopefully I find out soon.


Derek was next and he tried coming up the alternate line from the bottom right at the tree, which resulted in lots of winching, as did me and Joe's attempts. We pulled onto Mason Jar at 3:30 and it was dark by the time we all got past the entrance and to the first hill climb. That hill climb was also a big winch fest for each of us. Each of us bounced on the rev limiter for hours on Mason Jar this night. Nevertheless, winching was required in many places. At the very last ledge of Mason Jar I was the last one up. I got my front wheels on it, threw away the clutch, both fronts off the ground and came really close to making it but failed. I back up to try it again, all of the same happened except this time a chunk of mud the consistency of peanut butter mixed with fine gravel was hurled inside my jeep and directly into my right eye ball. None of that automatic reaction to squint or dodge it, I never saw it coming, and I was done instantly.

I was screaming like a banshee, my passenger Jon was still with me and thought I hit my face on the steering wheel. I hopped out and asked someone to get water. Nakoma went and found the coldest water possible. He must have reached in the bottom of the coldest cooler with the most ice. He rinsed a little out of my eye ball while I forced it open, and we needed to do it again. This time He drenched my head and all with this arctic water fit for a polar bear. It was so cold I instantly screamed "in my eye man I don't need a shower!" in which his reply was to squirt my face again with this water. Laughter, more freezing water and the dirt was out of my eye. I popped my front wheels back on the ledge and we winched me up. At this point we realized the bolt on the frame side of my front leaf spring shackle had broke and was barley hanging on by one shackle. We took a hammer and convinced the bolt back in, and the ratchet strapped it in place to continue on.

It was 8:30 we we rolled back up to the house. Nearly 5 hours spent on this trail. We were all tired and hungry, and thankful that before we had left @Nakoma had set two crock pots up to slow cook Brunswick Stew all day long. We came home to a fantastic meal! It was excellent. Showers, drinks, more laughter and full bellies, and a few things that will be left out of this story, made for an excellent night to remember!
 

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The next morning we awoke to it being a bit colder, and snowing a bit. I made Biscuits & Gravy for everyone, and made a second pan of biscuits so we'd have plenty. Nakoma & Chris ran to the hardware store in town to grab a bolt for my leaf springs. That was a short fix and we headed back to the trails! We decided that most of us wanted to ride some harder stuff so Clay and Troy left their Jeeps and hopped in with everyone and off we went to Buds Bypass. Right at the hill climb was a killer waterfall. I wasn't 100% sure it was part of the trail, but I saw rubber on the rocks and it looked pretty sick so I decided to try it. I made it, and it was freakin awesome and clearly I wasn't the first person to do it once I got up. Only thing is that's the end, you have to climb back out of the creek and take the little trail back down. It makes a little loop, and I can't wait to do it again. For the sake of time, no one else tried and we went on to White Trail Crawl. This is another trail I love. I popped right thru the first half without issue, and walked back to find Chris leaving lots of rubber on the first of the trail. After he smoked the TSLs for a little bit they decided to offer great traction and on he went. Derek and Joe came right on thru, however Joe went so far up the bank I was sure he was going to flip it but somehow the Jeep stayed planted and he backed out of it to correct himself. It was amazing, and @BigClay was in the passenger seat, white as a ghost looking right at the ground.

On to the exit we went, where I passed thru and the infamous windshield killing rock, it kissed my frame, leaving me with a dent but nothing more. Chris came thru and it was so slick after I turned it up it threw him off his line, and he wasn't so lucky with that big rock. It absolutely destroyed his windshield, which can be seen on Instagram or I am sure Troy will have a YouTube compilation soon.

At this point Joe decided he would fold his windshield down to get thru. It was a good thing he did as it hit multiple times on the same spot. Derek came thru and didn't care because he never had a windshield. He'd just been chilling in his heated Corbeau Seats the whole time. Chris' Jeep wasn't safe at this point cause he'd already been showered in glass and was lucky it wasn't in his eye. We decided to head back to the house for lunch where we could leave his and Joe's windshield cause next up was Crawfords Cry. This was also a good time to grab Troy and Clays Jeep cause they were dying to go hit Your Turn. Which lined us up perfect for the entrance to Crawfords Cry.


A few sammiches made from smoked Sweet Meat were in order. While making sammiches I asked chris if we ate all the bisuits this morning. He said yeah, which I found hard to belive cause we made so many! At this point I opned the oven which was still on from this morning to find bisuits that were so done they were literally like charcoal! We are so lucky, the oven had been on 350* for hours!

Full stomachs and off we were again!


Your Turn had lots and lots of water coming down it and felt much like Fish Fossil, great little run. We headed up the hill climb exit and on to Crawfrod where Clay and Troy would ride with someone else. Troy hoped in with Chris, Clay with Joe, and up we went. Right at the best obstacle, right where it really gets good, Chris heard a sound described as a midget with a 5lb hammer under his Jeep. We soon learned the centering ball in the joint of his front drive shaft was done for. This sucked cause he was really hoping for some redemption on this trail since back in August he had to winch over that spot just ahead. We all moved to the side, and he backed down while we went on.

I made it thru the good stuff so easily, I was feeling cocky and tried to take the last exit, and failed. It was just too slick. Derek got way over into the bank on that last ledge and nearly wound up on his lid. with nothing good to winch to, we wrapped my strap around a big rock and that just barley worked. Chris had to go on a long hike up a steep hill to get to the nearest winching tree for me. We got me out, and then Derek tried the same exit. This is when it got real awesome. Derek again got 2nd gear wound up and gave it his all. He carried the front tires all the way to the exit, then almost made it. He rolled back and threw away the clutch and stood it up again and banged the rev limiter with the front tires in the air. It sat back down and dug in but failed to go. He clutched, it rolled back, threw it away again and this time he really stood it up nearly straight, while bangin on the rev limiter. This time it hooked just enough with all that weight on the rear to pop the driver side rear Dana 70 shaft. After many more "Dale Yeahs" we winched him up, and headed back to the house to load up while we still had daylight.


Back at the house, the Jeeps were all loaded and we were arranged to make an early exit. We sat around and talked about what a great weekend it was over food and drinks, and some water in a jar. Joe had brought Deer meat and made some of the best Deer burgers I've ever had. THE best in fact. They were amazing. More fun that will be left out of this story, and off to bed we went. We all arose very early in the morning and rolled out to Huddle House for a fantastic breakfast with more laughter.


A pretty uneventful ride home, well other than the fact that when Chris lost the windshield, it ruined the top too and that nearly blew off on 26.....and then just like that, this trip was only a memory. Something gone, that cant be relived or duplicated, but like every other wheeling trip is burned into my mind as memories I will forever cherish and hope to make more, and never forget others. The fun for this trip started in a text message, got very fun on the side of 77 as we did a major repair, and will be fun as we remember it for years to come.



Truly, a Harlan to remember.
 
Well, I can’t fit all the pics within the right place in the story like I hoped. Oh well, here are all the pics and I’ll try to put them in order of the story.
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I forgot about how right at the end of the day, as nasty as it was out the sun poked out just before and God painted us the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen, right from the entrance of Mason Jar. With clouds and rain on one side of the mountain and the sun setting on the other. It was truly spectacular!
 
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To add to Phillips story. We were coming down 421 right after the kiss-me-back turn, there by the river. I made a comment on the CB about how beautiful the scenery was...like right out of the BRP. Everyone turned and looked left. But it was RIGHT as you make that tight ass right turn under the railroad trestle with concrete piers that make that curve SUPER narrow and sketch as hell. Chris was lead dog, and nearly smacked it and had to swerve into the other lane. I was right behind him, heard him, and made adjustments, but poor Derek was still in a fog from Huddle House and didn't react as quickly.

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Once we got on 26, Chris realized he would have to remove his top, or it would be on some socialists windshield causing them to hit a bus of nuns and he'd be sued for everything his great GREAT grandkids ever made


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Oh, and That's not rain in that last video of "Giving it the Joe Jones" it was SNOWING



We experienced the full gamut of sky conditions while we were there. From Sun, to overcast, to rain, SNOW, and fog...well...low clouds.

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Never for one second was it unpleasant though. My wife said "That's the dirtiest your Jeep has EVER been!" but I wasn't the least bit bothered.

I wanted to experience some of the stupider trails at Harlan, and thankfully there were enough empty seats to allow Clay and I to do so without becoming a huge burden on everyone by having to drag us thru them. Instead, sit comfortably in passenger seats to roll thru and decide that I WILL be doing Crawfords Cry next time. But I think I'd rather have my asshole hot waxed then dipped in rubbing alcohol than ever set foot on Mason jar in the wet again. Peanut butter diarrhea was the consistency of every square inch that wasn't a rock ledge
 
That was a great write up! Sounds like a great time! This is motivating me to get my Jeep finished.
 
But I think I'd rather have my asshole hot waxed then dipped in rubbing alcohol than ever set foot on Mason jar in the wet again. Peanut butter diarrhea was the consistency of every square inch that wasn't a rock ledge

I've got a pretty great Mason jar in the rain story but I don't want to derail this thread. Maybe I can type it out sometime in a new thread. It was pretty crappy lol
 
I have often wondered about going up that. I don’t think I have the wheel base for it, but I think a stable rig in the 114+ range could manage it.
 
Solid write up ! Nice !

I want to try that land slide really bad, I think we even talked about it :

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Is this right below lower rock garden? Basically the "road" is directly up from that waterfall on the right (good spectator area)?
 
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